Idk why but I been thinking about this whole cutting thing. Not like wanting to do it. But its been almost 2 years since ive done it. Itll be 2 years in december, I believe between the 11th and 13th, somewhere in there. And ive come so far. And life sucks so bad sometimes that im willing to go back. And I honestly dont know why I dont. I loved it so much. I had this sick obsession with it. Like it was my child, my other half, my everything. It was the only thing that held me together. And then now I dont have it. And sometimes I wonder if I am really completely put together. Im a completely different person than I was when I was cutting. Im more open, and energetic, and seemingly happy. And like sometimes it feels like I wasted all those years cutting. Like was I happy all along? Did I really need cutting? And then im like, I did it for a reason. I was hurting. My heart was breaking from just waking up in the morning. I felt physical pain to overpower the emotional pain. And then I had the cuts and scars to show that I was in emotional pain. But I was addicted to it. It was a full blown addicted. I felt high after I cut. Like really really cut. And it felt soooo good. And I still remember the feeling. And as sad as it may seem, I smile everytime I think of it. Like sometime I would cut and then fall asleep. Its like smoking a bowl then falling asleep. And now I smoke weed and I get the same feeling. But im not addicted to the feeling. I dont need weed everyday, not even everyweek. Its like, what have I been doing to myself all this time. Idk if me cutting was wasting my life away or if theres something to be learned from it.